I remember a few years ago, during a business lunch, somebody was recapping an episode from one of the numerous crime series all networks are running to compete against each other. My head was preoccupied with the business purpose of the meeting, nevertheless I do recall that the murder plot turned on a discovery that one of the characters, a compulsive gambler, bet his classy wife's sexual favors in poker and lost. FBI questioned if the payoff actually took place. Of course, it did: the real gamblers are "men of honor." When asked how the pimped out wife handled it, the winner said, "She was willing, but not happy." I bet this is the best line the screenwriter who churns out this pedestrian crap has ever written!
Willing, but not happy... The state of mind applicable to so many situations. This is exactly how all corporate accountants feel about financial audits, lenders' exams, investors' due diligence, etc. Commercial and fiscal needs of our employers throw us at mercy of the outsiders: we are forced to carve out time from our main responsibilities and open ourselves up to various poking, probing, and testing. Oh, we totally understand the importance and the unavoidable necessity of it. Frequently, it's our own search for new financing resources that culminates in these proceedings. Yes, we are totally willing, but we are not happy to go through with it.
I devoted two whole chapters (29 and 30) of CFO Techniques to advising readers on how to deal with auditors, keep yourself focused on the ultimate benefits for the company, and minimize the pains of distraction and intrusion. It helps to remind yourself that your company needs it more than the one that sends people to conduct the examinations.
And I have to say, most of these specialists of prodding are well aware of the invasive nature of their jobs. They understand that a financial executive abides by their standards and accommodates all their requirements, because he wants good results, and that this puts a CFO or a Controller into a subservient position. Many auditors are very apologetic for the endless interruptions, inquiries, requests, follow-ups, etc.
Of course, there are always exceptions...
For the CFO with exposure to international measurement systems from this season's joke #2, the last stage of the bank's field exam included physical inventory counts at three locations specifically selected by the bank. This is habitually done by auditors and examiners in order to (a) establish the presence of various inventories and (b) verify the accuracy of the subject's records. Obviously, nobody at the audited company has any impact on the choices of locations, timing, or people sent to perform the task. In fact, the CFO, who every year faces a financial audit and three bank exams, never knows who the hell the counters (usually junior auditors) are.
This time was bound to be different. One of the locations the bank selected was the company's storage in Savannah, GA. A day before the scheduled visit the CFO gets a phone call. An agitated young man in the receiver tells her that he is from the bank's Jacksonville office and that, according to Google Maps, the drive is 2 hours and 40 minutes each way. "And it's Friday! This is outrageous," he says.
The CFO was perplexed: anyone who had dealt with these matters even for one month would know that she had nothing to do with the rookie's plight; that, if it was up to her, she would much rather avoid the scrutiny. Considering her executive position and professional status, she could've just hung up on this wimp. But she is the one with a sense of humor, remember? So, she asked the boy, "Well, what would you like me to do? Move the inventory to Jacksonville, or cancel your visit?"
"Could you, please, cancel it?" was a hopeful answer.