Oh, Peter Pan, the "boy who wouldn't grow up," he is so endearing in his never-ending boyishness. He doesn't care about the adult world problems. His disregard for the laws of physical and emotional gravity allows him to fly without wings and fight pirates with an uncommon valor; but it also propels him out of the windows of the heart-broken girls: Wendy, and her mother Mary Darling before her, and who knows how many more. Really, he belongs in his Neverland.
Yet, Peter Pans live among us. You meet them every day: in your office, on your business trips, in stores and public transportation; you pass them on the street; they may be related to you and you see them across the dinner table. They don't soar in the air or prance with swords (well, maybe some of them do). Nevertheless, their true nature is that of unabashedly cocky young boys ready for adventures.
Permit me to clarify. We are not talking about physical appearance here. People who look 10-15 years yonger than their age, whether because of their genetic make up or because they treat their bodies right, can be very grown up. I am not talking about those who take part in what society perceives to be "young" activities either. I actually think that people who never stop going to rock concerts and enjoy parasailing in their eighties are on a higher plane of sophistication. No, the subject matter here is the psychological immaturity; the inability to accept the reality of the adult world.
The Peter Pan Syndrome is not officially recognized by the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders. It's considered to be a "pop-psychology" term. In other words, it's okay to use it in cultural and social context, but no doctor will get reimbursement by insurance for treating this affliction - there is no code for it. I frequently wonder whether it is a ploy of the closeted Peter Pans of psychology.
Peter Pan of J.M. Barrie's story can be recognized right away. The book illustrators even gave him pointy ears, hinting that he is not quite a regular human. But in every-day life they are hidden inside people who appear to be all grown up. Yet, there are certain telltale signs one can pick up right away. It could be a sports car too small for the owner's body, or a tan in the middle of winter, or a jacket a size too small for a middle-aged banker, a hipster watch on a wrist of a 60-year-old lawyer, a second wife 25 years younger, a newborn child at 57. I'm sure you know what I am talking about.
However, at the end of the day, it's the personality traits that betray the Peter Pan's tendencies - the propensity for undisciplined, uncontrolled, irrational, irresponsible, disorderly, intoxicated behavior. But, like with all archetypes, the negative trends coexist with positive potential that manifests itself as a free spirit, unbound instinct, potential for growth, hope for the future, untamed forward drive.
It's one thing to handle Peter Pans socially and even privately. It's a completely different matter when you are confronted with men-boys in the work place, especially if one of them is your boss. You have to be very careful: bosses like that think that they are invincible; they believe that they will come out on top in any situation. They take big risks and trust they can get away with anything. If they are lucky, their endeavors may lead the company to brilliant successes. But many of them get smacked against the cruel wall of reality, crash and burn.
One of the most prominent symptoms of the Peter Pan complex is absolute inability to take No for an answer. Many private-business CFOs deal with the childish behavior of their bosses and can fill in the blanks in this conversation:
CEO: I want to...
CFO: We cannot do this...
CEO: Why not? (like a 10-year-old)
CFO: We don't have... And it's against... We will jeopardize...
CEO: I want to do it anyway... (like a 5-year-old)
It's very difficult to find the right way of dealing with an intelligent and talented person, who looks like an adult, but frequently falls into the pits of the child-like stubbornness. The only thing you can do is to be constantly aware of the reality of the syndrome. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Let me leave you with this popular culture example. Mark Zuckerberg, a student at Harvard University, threw a tantrum like a 3-year-old boy in a sandbox, when his girlfriend dumped him - he called her mean names and told her secrets to the entire nursery school. Then he ran out and slammed the door behind him as hard as he could. The result of it was the creation of a network that pervaded the lives of hundreds of millions of people all around the world and made him the youngest billionaire. Now, he will never grow up - he never got a chance to face the real world. He went from childhood into a fantasy land. He boasts that he wears the same thing every day. So, does Peter Pan - the protective uniform of a boy who will never grow up.