The Frustrated CFO

The Frustrated CFO's Means of Self-Therapy

I was standing there at Terminal 5 yesterday, listening to Alt-J performing their 2012 Mercury Prize winning album An Awesome Wave live, cheering with the rest of the audience at the first notes of each song in recognition of their sublime quality.  And once again a familiar notion formed inside my head.  It happens to me every time I experience something that momentarily separates my  being from all the negative garbage in my life.  I think, "If I didn't keep on, I wouldn't have received this gift, I wouldn't have come to know these songs, I wouldn't be bobbing in rhythm right now."

I claw my way through the long stretches of hard life, full of frustration and disappointments, from one moment like this to another.  This is what forces me to continue - the hope that there is another wonder ahead.  And when they come, I use them as my self-therapy: I imprint the intimacy of the experience in my memory and let it carry me over the next hurdle. 

It's like mantra:  If I didn't endure I wouldn't have exited the Bullet train onto the platform of Shuzenji station and felt my rusty armor melting away; I wouldn't have seen that astonishing photo my daughter took a few months ago; I wouldn't have watched Radiohead, The Mars Volta, Tool do their on-stage magic;  I wouldn't have heard Andrew Bird's heavenly sounds in the Guggenheim and in the Riverside Church; I wouldn't have read new Egan, Carson, Cunningham; I wouldn't have stood in the middle of the Red Forest breathing the ancient clarity...  And I wouldn't have been at Terminal 5 yesterday.

So, here is my personal tip for everyone who, like me, is overwhelmed with frustration and prone to desperation: find something powerful that can make you forget about the dread, look for opportunities to experience it whenever you can, and hold on to the sensory memory of each occasion for as long as the shittiness of this life allows you.  And let's hope that the gaps between the moments of joy will not get any longer then they already are.

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank my daughter for treating her mother as an equal and sharing all kinds of awesomeness.  And thank you very much, the dude from Bumblefuck, IL.

 

That Elusive Sense of Self-Worth

The other day one young woman was telling me about her dinner with Mr. X.  The man was not in a good place: he was being down on himself, feeling gloomy, dissatisfied, depressed. 

I know a thing or two about Mr. X and even met him a few times.  By conventional standards, he is, to put it mildly, a very accomplished and impressive guy.  A self-made man, he has spent the last three decades propelling himself into a progressively narrower sector of the income-distribution pie.  Forgoing leisure, he devoted most of his waking hours to his work: hundreds of companies successfully bought, restructured, guided to success, sold - efforts resulting in considerable wealth shared by him and his partners.  Now, in his middle age, he is at the point, where the proverbial 1% seems to him like a large group of people with meager resources.  Not only that he warranted the best opportunities for the future generations of his offspring, but he has the luxury to be generous to other individuals, and very charitable to organizations of important cultural value.  

So, what could possibly make this strong, smart, and powerful person with a long list of achievements hate on himself?  The destruction of the planet?  The intellectual downfall of humanity?  Maybe he feels inadequate as a parent?  Those are universal equalizers that should make us all feel agitated.  Should, but not necessarily do.  As it turns out, it's his professional self-assessment: he feels that he could've done better for the partnership; that he didn't achieve his best results.  He gives his performance a moderate grade of B+.

How curious...  I constantly feel like a career failure as well.  Only my reasons are sort of the opposite of Mr. X's.  I know that I've given 110% to every job.  From a purely academic standpoint, my professional efforts deserve nothing less than an A+.  But, due to a huge entanglement of reasons, including my gender, I have never received matching rewards, was forced to accept comparatively inadequate compensation and insufficient recognition.   

On the other hand, maybe my marks are always A+ because my undertakings are a tad below my true capacity.  What if there were no obstacles and I would have opportunities to embark on  Herculean tasks - the business pursuits of much larger magnitude?  How would I do then?  Would I still be able to impress?  How would I feel about myself and my results?

Maybe the real reason we both feel so shitty about ourselves lies in the betrayal of our true destinies (or, at least, what we think they should've been).  As a student, Mr. X was deeply affected by the brilliance of Marcel Marceau and was a part of a street-performing innovative circus troupe.  And all I wanted to do since I was 15 years old was to write cultural critique - absorb, decipher, and opine on various art forms.  Instead, both of us made a choice of going the practical route: killed the dreams and embarked on money-making pursuits (different amounts, same principle) in order to support our families.  In his new book Missing Out, psychoanalyst Adam Phillips argues that we care about the lives we failed to live more than the ones we actually endure.  Adam Phillips, dude, I feel ya!

Then again, let's say both Mr. X and I did have a chance to realize our wildest creative fantasies... but the only grades we could achieve were C's and D's.  Or what if we received A's from others for doing what we loved, but inside our neurotic heads still felt that we had not risen above F's?  What then?  

We don't know.  It's unlikely we ever will.  Meanwhile, here we are: two very different individuals with incomparable pasts, presents, and futures, but virtually in the same imaginary place - a dingy dinghy with a sad name Gloomy Fool. 

Who Is Your Favorite Avenger?

I cannot really call myself a comics fan just because I am familiar with the names and overall stories of the most famous characters.  That's just popular culture saturation.  I know some real devotees, and those people can discuss different genres, know the names of artists, aware of obscure series, and dissect the aesthetics of comics with the same depth I apply to theater, cinema, or literature.  Yet, I do appreciate the idea of a superhero, a human with extraordinary abilities and skills.  In a sense, Ayn Rand's John Galt is a superhero.  Some of the stories written by comics' authors are just as dark and prophetic.  And, I've seen the original drawings of the best creators: there is no question in my mind - it's art. 

On the other hand, cinematic interpretations of graphic novels, the money-making machines of Marvel and DC Comics, rarely measure up to the original sources.  I don't even remember when was the last time that I saw a comic-based movie on a big screen...  Until this summer's release of Joss Whedon's The Avengers.

I've always had a weak spot for Joss Whedon's creative powers.  His visions, both phantasmagorical and futuristic, yet so human, are among my guilty pleasures.  Amazingly, the man is capable of making all sorts of creatures sexy and soulful.  After all, he brought vampires with various personality traits into our lives way before the recent wave of the blood-sucking hype.  He is to current supernatural TV programming, what Nirvana is to contemporary Rock.  

Stephenie Meyer may list Shakespeare and Jane Austin as influences for her deplorable writing all she wants; and the story how the idea of love between a human girl and a vampire came to her in a dream on June 2, 2003 is a great PR ploy.  But isn't it uncanny that Joss Whedon aired the last episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer series on May 20, 2003.  Maybe the young Mormon wife and mother was simply missing Buffy's heat.

So, because it's written and directed by Joss Whedon, I went to see The Avengers...   And it was very entertaining, exhilarating, sufficiently layered for those who want to look beneath the surface, and accessible to those who just want to have fun - in other words, it was very Joss Whedon.  I mean, who else would be able to take the Incredible Hulk and not only accentuate the character's original traits, but make him even more tragic, brilliant, powerful, soulful... and funny?

Yeah, the Incredible Hulk  as interpreted by Joss Whedon - oh boy, do I relate to that character, or what?  I mean, "That's my secret, captain.  I'm always angry," - it's like he went into my head and read it on my cerebral cortex.  Always angry, but in control most of the time.  Well, in my case, practically all the time, trying to channel the frustration through writing, cursing at the toilet bowl, or stomping on a piece of paper; only wishing that I could unleash the anger for real.

When I just started this blog, I took time to explain in several posts my take on frustration and its management.  In one of them, I nominated John McEnroe as the frustration release hero .  And, he definitely is that, but if I were to expand my search pool beyond mere humans... Joss Whedon's Dr. Banner/Hulk definitely takes the first prize - reserved, humble, unstoppable when angered by bad guys, and with a sense of humor regardless of his physical/mental state. 

Watching him handling Loki's arrogance was probably one of the most satisfying therapeutic experiences I've had in a long time.  For a hot second I felt avenged.  Oh, how I yearn for an ability to do that to some people!  In fact, I think it would work for me even better than Darth Vader's management style.

 

I Dream of "Star Wars," or Darth Vader's Management Style

At the risk of exposing myself to the readers' harsh judgement, I have to admit that there are moments when even my long-time experience of controlling emotions in the work environment is not enough to tame the feeling of... ENRAGEMENT some people manage to ignite inside my being. Hell, even the Page of Frustration doesn't help.

Some dense employees endlessly making the same errors, or chiefs of irrelevant operating sectors creating disasters behind your back, or (most likely) all of them causing damage simultaneously - these people can make you feel the urge to physically harm them in restitution for the emotional turmoil you experience: bite them, or kick them in the shins, or hit them with a monitor, whatever. Of course, you don't do any of that. You go and curse at the toilet bowl instead (one of my Personal Tools of Frustration Relief).

During such moments my mind frequently carries me to phantasmagorical events that took place "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away;" to the image of a person (can we call him a person?) with no tolerance for poor work performance, unlimited managerial authority, and extraordinary motivational tools - Darth Vader. This was an executive who gave no time for excuses and perfected the methodology of frustration release to the point when he didn't even have to touch the failing underlings. He destroyed them telepathically!

"You have failed me for the last time..." Ta da! And the offender of the high work standards is grabbing the invisible fingers at his throat. "I find your lack of faith disturbing..." - same result! This definitely puts the audience on alert: every time there is a discussion of the Galactic Empire's failures or setbacks, you start wondering, will Darth Vader have to choke a bitch again?

People's opinion of George Lucas's writing and directorial mastery varies, but we cannot deny the fact that his ideas are brilliant and his intuition about mass audience response patterns can be matched only by someone like Steven Spielberg. Notice, how he populated the "Good Side" with heroic, largely self-sufficient overachievers, who would sacrifice their lives before they allow themselves to fail. It makes perfect organizational sense: if they were as fallible as the Dark Side's middle management, who would reprimand them? Yoda? Obi-Wan Kenobi? It would never work - they are too soft.

Yoda spent so much time training Luke Skywalker for his intended position as a destroyer of the Empire. Yet, the boy wasn't quite grasping it. So, who did Lucas choose to show the young warrior what's what? Who else? Darth Vader: my son, my son, you still kinda suck at this. Let me raise the bar a bit. Whoosh! Luke's hand goes bye-bye. Now, try to overcome your weaknesses and harness the Force!

I sincerely apologize to the worldwide community of the "Star Wars" nerds, but, even though I admire it as a revolutionary breakthrough in filmmaking, I have to admit that the soap-operatic nature of the material always seemed silly to me. Yet, when the frustration rages in my head, remembering Darth Vader's chocking scenes is extremely satisfying.  Try it!

Insecure Business Owner/CEO

People write about insecure bosses all the time. There are blog posts, articles, book chapters, cartoons, movies, and TV shows devoted to the subject of dealing with a superior who feels threatened by his subordinates.  Hey, bosses are people and a vast majority of humanity is plagued by insecurities of various forms and degrees. The authors usually predict two possible outcomes of having such a boss: you will either find a way to overcome the problem and turn this person into your ally, or you get fired.  Curiously, in these writings "the boss" in question is usually another hired employee perched on a higher step of the hierarchy ladder.  (It has always surprised me, why these advisers never consider a possibility of you finding the way of getting the insecure boss fired.)

However, when your insecure boss owns the company that employs you, it's a completely different situation altogether.  Here he (or she, or they) was, the big boss with a business that he's built, thinking that he is the shit, the sharpest tool not just in some lousy shed, but in a suburban Home Depot... Until you came along, with your diverse expertise, broad fundamental knowledge, etc.

Now, you start discovering all kind of stupid stuff.  If you are indeed an experienced person, you are not running around like an idiotic show-off screaming that everything is wrong.  No, you tread lightly.  At the same time you must do your job and, therefore, correct the stupid stuff.  So, you say careful things like, "Excuse me, I mean no disrespect, but this and that is not done properly and will result in long-term losses; and, by the way, your accounting doesn't comply with prescribed rules."  You have no choice but to reveal painful observations such as, "You know, that operating system you bought just before your hired me (couldn't you wait?) on recommendation of someone you know, sucks!  You were misled - it's not an ERP, it's a retarded cousin of a real ERP twice removed."

Moreover, from time to time, things come out of your boss's mouth that are not just silly, they are embarrassingly incorrect.  Of course, you can ignore it, and yet you cannot, because if you don't clarify his confusions and educate him, he may say something stupid in front of your bankers, or investors, or auditors.  So, you have no choice but to find an appropriate way to straighten him out, raise his sophistication.

And even though you openly express due respect for his entrepreneurial abilities and acute commercial intuition, he cannot avoid feeling inadequate, insecure.  It's unpleasant and he doesn't like it at all.  Yet, unless you become rude and inappropriate, your job is secure.  The idea of firing you wouldn't even come to his logical conscious mind.  First of all, he knows that the company (i.e. his wallet) needs you and your improvements.  Secondly, you took over quite few tasks, freeing him for business development.   Finally, he doesn't have time or desire to go through the search process again.

Still, from time to time the subconsciousness feels pangs of wounded ego.  When that happens, he'll do anything to make himself feel better.  He will find one or another way to get back at you.  If you have an accent (Irish, Italian, Slavic, French), he will interrupt you in the middle of a meeting and ask the outsiders if they understand at least 30% of what you were saying, even though your English is fluent.  Your writing skills are likely to be far more superior than his, but he will make you run drafts of emails to important people by him, claiming their "political importance."  He may get into habit of reminding you that, considering your compensation, he expects a lot from you, even though you have exceeded all his expectations already.  And so on, and so forth...  

This behavior is childish.  The mere knowledge that it's rooted in his insecurity should help you to brush it off.  Don't let yourself to be hurt by it.  Don't think, "This is not fair, I am helping his business."  Don't take it as an insult.   Accept it as a testimony to your superiority.  

Back-to-Work Jitters

No matter how eager unemployed people are to find a job and get back into wage-earning trenches, when the fortune smiles at them and after months (sometimes years) of looking they finally secure a position, they cannot avoid feeling nervous, anxious, and frequently depressed. The same unpleasantly uneasy state of mind comes over people who return to the full-time employment or undertake a long-term engagement after the semi-freedom of short-project consulting. Even if you went on hiatus to write a book and put your entire life on hold to do so, now that it's over, you fear of returning to the regular job.

Moreover, much smaller gaps in working schedule have exactly the same effect on us. It's difficult to come back from vacations and even weekends. It is an established fact that the number of heart attacks peaks on Mondays in comparison to other days of the week. And it has nothing to do with Monday per se - if we moved the beginning of the week to Wednesday, the statistic would shift as well.

This is true not only for the hired schmucks like us, subordinate to their bosses' rule. One of my former multi-millionaire owners/CEOs confessed to me that he passionately hated Sunday nights (me too!), because Monday mornings loom over them. There was nobody over him. He had an attitude of a royalty, did what he wanted, and his scope of responsibilities was considerably smaller than mine. Who would've thought that he felt about the end of the weekend exactly the way I did. I am sure all my readers who worked in private companies have owners who take long weekends and hide in their vacation houses for the entire summers. Why do they avoid being in the office?

What does it say about our relationship with the activity that we let to occupy the largest chunk of our lives? Do we experience these sensations because we resent our jobs and are unhappy with our existence? Does it happen only with those who made sensible choices in their lives in order to support themselves and their families? I know it's not possible for the majority of people, but would we be more relaxed if we pursued our dreams?

Apparently not. All real writers are terrified of the empty page. Stanley Kubrick, of course, pushed the issue to its scariest interpretation by showing in "The Shining" how the fear of the typewriter with a clean sheet of paper in it can turn a writer into a psychopath. Famous movie directors, including Ingmar Bergman, Michelangelo Antonioni, Woody Allen, and Martin Scorcese, consider being on the set a pure torture. Pro-athletes are ridden with OCDs (endlessly bouncing the tennis balls, or tagging their jerseys in a particular way, or counting the number of times they knock on their locker) and many of them puke their guts out before every game or match. Speaking of puking, after 48 years on stage and screen, Cher still vomits before every performance.

The list of examples is endless. I believe, it's not about the work itself or the workplace. I think our psyche, taught by the previous experiences, tries to protects itself from frustrations and stresses associated with every job. The anxiety and the nervousness are manifestations of the defensive instinct: "Don't go. There will be pain again. You will be judged unfairly. You will care too much for your own good."

I honestly think that the workaholics among us work through their weekends and vacations out of self-preservation. They know that if you slip up, stop for a second and relax, it becomes incredibly difficult to go back. The human beings are addicted to doing-nothing and avoiding pain, but resolve to stay on the occupational wagon in order to provide for themselves, realize their self-worth, or satisfy their urge for creative expression.

Quote of the Day (House M.D.)

Wilson to House:

" You don't like yourself, but you admire yourself.  That's all you got, so you cling to it.  Being miserable doesn't make you special, it just makes you miserable."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A CFO and a Zoloft Pusher (Tragicomedy)

FADE IN

INT MANHATTAN'S FINANCIAL DISTRICT - DR. PUSHER'S OFFICE - 1 P.M.

MS. CFO, about 50, dressed in Navy silk business suit, accessorized with Salvatore Ferragamo scarf, shoes and bag, walks in.

DR. PUSHER, about 60, looks up from her desk, peers from behind large bifocals.

DR. PUSHER

Hello.  Ms. CFO?

Ms. CFO quickly glances at the impressively looking framed credentials lining up the wall, including the Psychiatric Board's certificate.

MS. CFO

Dr. Pusher! How nice to finally meet you!

Ms. CFO automatically extends her hand towards Dr. Pusher, who looks confused, seems not to know what to do with the hand in front of her face.  Ms. CFO snaps out of her business-meeting mode and starts withdrawing her hand just as Dr. Pusher decides to grab it.  Awkward handshaking occurs.

DR. PUSHER

Please, sit down.

Ms. CFO sits down in front of the desk.

MS. CFO

How was your time off?

DR. PUSHER (looking at her monitor)

Oh, how do you know?

MS. CFO

I've been waiting for this appointment for three month.

DR. PUSHER (still looking at her monitor)

Mmm.  Ok...  Well...

Dr. Pusher looks straight at Ms. CFO

MS. CFO

My anxiety is out of control.  I have panic attacks that feel like heart attacks - my heart start pounding and my entire left side hurts   It even resulted in some atypical EKG's.  So, my physician and the cardiologist, they both suggested...

DR. PUSHER

What do you do?

MS. CFO

I am a Chief Financial Officer.

DR. PUSHER

Is it a stressful job?

MS. CFO (with a bitter smirk)

Just a tad...  I need to manage this anxiety.  I cannot afford to spend energy on battling with it.

DR. PUSHER

What about depression?  Do you ever feel sad, low?

MS.CFO

Who doesn't?  Look what's going on around us?  But I can deal with it.  I can summon my will power for that - I grip myself by the hair and make myself function, no matter what.  It's the anxiety - it makes me feel like I cannot breath, and I want to be able to tame that.

DR. PUSHER

Will power - shmill power...  Do you ever think of killing yourself?

MS. CFO (sounding slightly agitated)

Hey, if this world goes into the shitters...  If there are no jobs for people like me anymore, nor for over-educated young ones like my son and his friends, and the government cannot even cut social security checks to my parents, and the savings disappear into paying insurance premiums, so that we could see doctors like you...  Of course I would consider it.  There are worst things that can happen to a person than dying.

DR. PUSHER

Good, very good.

Ms. CFO looks astonished, seems to be lost for words.

DR. PUSHER (CONT'D)

I am going to give you a prescription for Zoloft.

MS. CFO (shocked)

Zoloft?  Isn't it like a major antidepressant with a strong habit tendencies?  You are supposed to take it every day, and if you go off, you can experience terrible withdrawal symptoms?  Isn't its effect on panic disorder only secondary?  I don't really want to take something that heavy, and every day, and for... depression of all things!

DR. PUSHER

It's my favorite drug - I prescribe it to everyone.  And you are very talkative - maybe you should see a therapist, while taking Zoloft.  A therapist will help you to prioritize.

MS. CFO

I am famous for my prioritization skills.  What do you mean, "you prescribe it to everyone"?  What if it does not help with my anxiety, but I will be hooked and get sick if I stop using it?

DR. PUSHER

Oh, you should not stop.  I'd rather you being anxious than thinking about killing yourself all the time.  What's a little bit of heart pounding and left-side pain, ah?  Just take the prescription and I want to see you again in two weeks.  We may need to adjust the doze.  I have other patients waiting for their prescriptions.

Dr. Pusher hands Ms. CFO the prescription across the table.  Ms. CFO takes it, gets up and leaves the room, still holding the piece of paper in her hand.

INT RECEPTION AREA IN THE MEDICAL OFFICE - 1:15 P.M.

Ms. CFO determinedly walks towards the elevators.  As she reaches them and presses the button "Down,"

RECEPTIONIST (off site in a slightly raised voice, so that she can be heard)

Do you need an appointment for the next time?

MS. CFO (without turning her head, almost to herself)

No, I fucking don't.

She tears up the piece of rectangular paper and drops it into the garbage can between the elevator doors.

FADE OUT

Author's Note:  This little sketch is based on a true story related to me by one of my friends.

Tragicomedy - a work containing elements of both comedy and tragedy, or as I always say, "It would be funny, if it wasn't so sad."

Vincent Van Gogh, At Eternity's Gate, 1890

The Frustrated CFO Takes Lessons from Robert McKee

Human beings are like sponges - the second we are born we start acquiring general knowledge of things from everything around us.  It is a natural process. 

When it comes to intellectual knowledge, however, we tend to make our own choices.  Some people read Pynchon, others prefer Sports Illustrated.  Some go to see Black Swan, while others would never miss a new Transformers installment. 

It gets even more selective for specialized knowledge -  higher education, professional publications, technical books, etc.  Even with the subjects of human psychology, relationships, our understanding of the world around us (all frequently featured in The Frustrated CFO's posts), people are more likely to go for books written by "specialists." 

But the truth is that the nature of human interactions and the principles of emotional response to life do not change from industry to industry and from trade to trade. They are universal and I have learned long time ago that the knowledge of things pertaining to human experience can come to us from anywhere.  There is a reason I frequently present my topics by referring to books, TV programs and movies - the best examples of these art forms pursue the truth of life; that is why we can relate.

Those who have seen Spike Jonze/Charlie Kaufman's "Adaptation" may remember the screenwriting guru character played by Brian Cox.  Well, he is a real person - one of the best theoretician's of creative writing in the world Robert McKee.  After several decades of writing for theater and television, Mr. McKee found his true calling in formulating a set of fundamental principles for compelling storytelling, which became the framework of his world-touring STORY seminar.   He also compiled them into a bestselling book by the same name.

I happened to know a young screenwriter who attended McKee's seminar twice and described it as a life-changing experience - not just as a writer, but as a human being.  You see, Robert McKee teaches how movies should be written so that they penetrate straight into the audience's soul.  So, inevitably he touches on the subjects that reach far beyond cinematic matters.  That, together with the fact that his films recommendation list pretty much matches my own roster of favorites, persuaded me to buy his STORY book.

What can I tell you?  This is a very brilliant man.  Anyone who loves movies should read this book...  And everyone who considers himself a student of human nature should read this book.  It is impossible to convey all the wisdom Robert McKee generously shares, but his study of "the principle of antagonism" is particularly invaluable.  

He goes beyond the conventional knowledge that antagonistic conflicts are at the basis of existence (and a story, of course).  He concludes that there are three primary antagonistic forces for any positive value, progressing from contrary to contradictory to "the Negation of the Negation," which, unlike in math where two negatives make a positive, is "a force of antagonism that's doubly negative."  

He further constructs illustrative charts for such values as love, truth, consciousness, wealth, communication, success, bravery, loyalty,  justice, wisdom, and freedom.  I find the last three absolutely universal and applicable to many conflicts we encounter both in our professional and personal lives.  They are reproduced below.  It's mesmerizing: you look at them and it's like a reel of your life's events, fitting perfectly into these diagrams, unspools in front of your eyes.

Job Search: Unemployment & Depression

At the end of February, The Ladders featured Debra Donston-Miller's article Depression is Making Unemployment Longer, which reiterated the well-known fact that unemployment walks hand in hand with depression and anxiety, and that, in turn, diminishes your ability to get employed. 

It's a vicious circle, you know.   A person looses his job - that's on its own is a hard blow to his ego.  Nevertheless, he gets right on all job boards - Monster, CareerBuilder, etc.  - posts his resume and applies to every single opening that matches his qualifications.  As time goes by, he keeps lowering his expectations - now applications go out to jobs with smaller titles and lower salaries.  Still, the response is not too hot.  

Nowadays, the statistical probability of converting applications into a recruiter's or hiring manager's interest is around 2% for high-level financial professionals - CFOs, Controllers, Financial Directors, etc.  The national numbers of people not being able to find employment in one, sometimes two, and more years are scary. 

While you are waiting for the sparks in the dark, your spirits get lower and lower.  You become listless, loose interest in everything - depression really kicks in.  The anxiety of not being able to support yourself when the savings and unemployment compensation run out gets overwhelming.  You swing between over-hype of appraising your possession for possible liquidation and inability to move a muscle.

Still, you force yourself to apply every day, you do your networking, ask people around.  Finally, quantity turns into quality: you've sent out 100 resumes and someone finally called you.   You've had a positive response after the phone interview and now you are going for a face-to-face appointment.  Anxiety floods you - the workspace environment, which you have not experienced for several months, seems so alien to you. 

You are prepared, though - you are a seasoned executive with superior qualifications, a likable person, well-spoken, know how to handle yourself.  The interview seems to go well, but there are so many candidates, and you might have said something wrong just because the depression and anxiety ate some of your confidence away.  Every day you wait for a call back, but nobody ever does; nobody even sends an email to let you know that you did not qualify - people don't do those sort of polite things anymore.

Now, you are loosing hope altogether: it is more and more difficult to make yourself even to look at the job listings.  It seems like staring at the television screen all day without seeing what's on is a better option...

You know what?  I am not going to tell you that it will get better.  I am not a fortune teller.  I don't know it, but neither do you.  Yes, it's fucking tough out there!  As I always say,  we live in a new economic reality.  The truth is that you may need to rethink your entire life.  But you cannot let the depression eating away your time.  FIGHT IT!  Do you know what happens with every single day you waste on giving in to nothingness? It disappears and you will never get it back. 

The Ladders' article quoted cognitive behavioral psychologist Deb Brown, who suggests creating a routine for yourself as one of the helpful tools.  My readers know how big I am on time-management and routines.  Whether you are fighting the unemployment depression or job frustration, scheduling your time and filling your day with meaningful tasks always helps.   And when you are unemployed, you have an opportunity to do things that you never had time for before: study Spanish with that Rosetta Stone pack you've got for your birthday two years ago; transfer all those home videos onto DVDs, get yourself fit.  

You don't really need more than two-three hours a day to look for new openings and apply.  Spend the rest of your free time (FREE TIME - when do we have it otherwise?) catching up on your life.  And don't be a prisoner of your schedule either - let go of it for a day, when you feel frustrated.

And listen, even if things with employment never get better and some drastic decisions will need to be made, at least you will not need to look back at the long stretch of a complete misery right before that.