The Frustrated CFO

This Is What It Feels Like When the CFO Cries

When I was a little girl, a preteen, a teenager, my parents always teased me, "Why are you crying?  Feeling sorry for yourself?"  I could've been weeping about some really heart-breaking moment in my life or over a beautiful passage in a book - it didn't matter, their reaction was always the same.

Well, if that was their way of toughening me up, it worked.  But discouraging crying?  Nah, their badgering wasn't successful - I'm still a crier.  Blatant injustices, the disappearance of Earth's beauty, the unfairness of life; but also a goosebumpy music passage, a powerful piece of acting, an especially brilliant bit of storytelling, a rare instance of mesmerizing artistry - all are known to bring quick tears to my eyes.  

But all these occasions allow me to cry secretly - in a privacy of my home; in the darkness of a theater; sometimes in the middle of a crowded place, where nobody knows me (which is the same as being alone); or in front of a few people (can count them on one hand), who are so close to me, most of the time we cry about the same things.  To the rest of the world, however, I'm known as Marina of Steel, always composed and together.  In fact, most people think that I am a gruff bitch.  The mother-fuckers would probably have panic attacks if they saw me all snotty and whimpering - the way I get, when I fight with my daughter.

In my entire career there were only a few occasions, when, while in the office, I simply couldn't hold back tears - the ducts just acted on their own accord, the way they do when you get hit on the nose.  One time, during a meeting, my CEO threw some reports straight into one of my subordinate's face, and I couldn't do anything about it: couldn't protect the victim, couldn't say anything to the boss - just had to watch it happening.  I remember thinking, "God, if somebody else did that in front of me, I would've fucking slapped him.  But I have to pretend that I'm paralyzed, because I need my job!  It hurts!"  And the tears just rolled out involuntary.  

Nearly 20 years ago (God! I was still young then!), a different boss, always insecure about his origins and education, got angry with me, because he forgot to request some analysis he urgently needed, yet expected that I would telepathically infer his wishes.  I was already a Controller and have accomplished some pretty amazing stuff for the company (for which, truth be told, I was very well compensated).  So, I felt pretty secure to simply explain that he never asked for it.  To this he retorted: "You're probably lying that you were always a straight A student.  No doubt your mother bribed your teachers."  There were other people around too, listening...  The randomness and the absurdity of the insult hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was lost for words and my eyes just swelled with tears.  Nothing was to be done or said, of course - my family's well-being was much higher on my list of priorities than my self-esteem.

Just the other day, a business owner, who was my torturer-in-chief at that moment (he is the one who thinks himself a Good Boss), demanded some pretty serious piece of performance analytics to be delivered to him the next day, before his meeting with X.   Considering the available resources, this was impossible to accomplish.  So, I informed him accordingly.  And yes, I'm too fed up with all this bullshit now, so I let a bit of a sarcasm escape me: "How long have you known about this meeting anyway?" I asked him.  "Let me explained to you the idiocy (Miriam-Webster: extreme mental retardation) of this question," he replied and then embarked on a long-winded rant about...  Well, who cares?  And I wasn't listening anymore.  I wanted to laugh, but somehow sparse teardrops started falling down instead.  Thank God, I cried - at least it stopped his blabbering and he left the room.                    

Yeah, things like that...  So, it's true - I cry because I feel sorry for myself.  I'm sorry that my life is nothing what I hoped it would be.  I'm sorry that I don't have enough time to do things that I truly love.  I'm sorry that I always work harder than anybody else would in my place and the rewards never match my efforts.  I'm sorry that I always work for people who are not sophisticated enough to understand my value and appreciate my contribution.  I'm sorry that they always turn out to be insecure assholes.  I'm sorry that, even though I held them in my hands, I let all the means of my personal security slip away.  I'm sorry about so many of my choices that led me to where I am...    

...What is that you are saying?  A pity party? So what if it is?  Nobody else pities me - everyone thinks that I'm some fucking stone.   

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"We Are Good Bosses," Says One Boss to Another

So, that's how these people manage to live with their own shitty selves!  They walk around with a clear conscience; with no doubt in their souls about their actions.  They don't think about the injustices and the insults of different caliber they spread around with every step they take.  They don't even qualify them as injusticies and insults.  Instead, they pat each other on the backs and tell themselves that they are good bosses!  Their self-delusion probably goes even further: I am terrified to think about it, but they might have convinced themselves that they are good people.  Honestly, the idea of these people going through their lives thinking that they are saints makes my skin itch on the inside.  

To tell you the truth, I prefer honest assholes, like the ones whose primary traits are itemized in the list provided by the Time's article attached on the bottom of this post.  They are at least somewhat conscious of their attitudes and  justify their behavior with the "business necessity."  You know: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do - that sort of thing.  I also think that self-aware bastards are less casual with their cruelty.  Unless they are real sadists, they apply it knowingly and, therefore, sparingly.  

The conversation quoted in the title is not an allegory: I actually had the misfortune of witnessing it.  I had to summon all my will power not to burst out laughing at these jerks.  I've had pangs of suspicion that many business owners felt good about themselves, but this was the first time one of them actually voiced such self-deception in my presence.  Why was it so bitterly funny?  Because, the statement was prompted by their finally adapting a pension plan they promised their employees two years ago. 

These are employers who pick favorites and treat them with an obvious preference, while discriminating against others.  They forget to disclose new commercial initiatives, thus forcing everyone to run against time in order to turn their ideas into business realities.  They will not hesitate to make a "good-natured" joke at an employee's expense or brazenly comment on someone's deficiency.  The list can go on, and on, and on, and on...  What can I say?  Swell guys! 

But let's see.  What are (in my opinion) the attributes of a really Good Boss???

1.  Fairness and objectivity; no bullshit like, "I don't like that bitch's personality, so I don't care if she's going to leave, even if it'll hurt my company."

2.  Dedication to a merit-based system of rewards comprised of both tangible and moral incentives.

3.  Intelligence and business acumen that perpetuates the company's success and keeps employees gratified that they don't work for an incompetent idiot.

4.  High performance standards applied equally to everyone - first and foremost to his/her own work.

5.  Capacity to fully comprehend the abilities and  values of their direct reports.

6.  Sufficient organizational savvy to match subordinates' abilities with functional tasks.

7.  Acceptance of personal responsibility as a job-creator and human-resources leader.

8.  Strong emphasis on the development of employees' know-how and professional growth.

9.  Balanced combination of delegation and efficient supervision; none of that hands-off micromanagement crap I write so much about.

10.  An actual effort to understand people working for the company.

11.  Sufficient tact and self-confidence (!) to prevent casual personal insults, usually resulting from deeply seated insecurity.

12.  And this one is just for me: For once in my life I would like to work for someone with a good memory, because I'm fucking fed up with their forgetting time after time the stuff I say, write, and report to them.   

So, my dear business owners and other chiefs, try to test your performance against the criteria above and see how you do.  None of the "good bosses" I know would score enough for a "D" grade.

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9 Core Beliefs of Truly Horrible Bosses

CFO Folklore: Mortal Kombat - CEO vs. Outlook, FIGHT!

I am the biggest advocate of an entrepreneurial CEO's freedom from any administrative, technological, and infrastructural minutiae.  They must not busy themselves with making their own reports or calculations in Excel, devising organizational routines, catering to bankers' demands, nurturing relationships with customers, etc.  They have functional executives and senior management for that - CFOs, COOs, CIOs, Controllers, Sales VPs, etc. 

An effectual CEO should be focused almost exclusively on the strategic development of the business and the tactical decisions pertaining to the company's survival and prosperity.  Therefore, he may be, but  doesn't need to be an Excel pro, an IT geek (unless, of course, that's the business), a bullshitting ace, or a financing maverick.  He must be a visionary - that's all.  I stated my position on this issue multiple times and dedicated an entire post to the defense of CEO's limited scope of responsibilities.  I even wrote about it in CFO Techniques.      

I have to say, though, when it comes to technology, for most CEOs outside of the high-tech industry, it's not even the result of division of labor -there's some sort of a pervasive impairment.  Most business owners I know personally or have heard about from other people are not very technologically advanced, to put it mildly. 

There are CEOs who call for help every time they need to insert a column in a table; are incapable of  logging onto a network; and wouldn't touch scanners even if they stand right on their desks.  And that's Ok.  As I said, they don't have to trouble their valuable heads with these things as long as they attend to their primary job and manage to be brilliant at it. 

However, we do live in the second decade of the 21st century and some level of sophistication in the ways of contemporary communication is simply required.  It has nothing to do with being a small business owner, a big-time CEO, or The President.  This is one area of technological advancement, where everyone at a certain point had to overcome their innate resistance to novelties and get on with the program.  Radio, telegraph, telephone, video transmission, cellular connection, etc. - they have simply become mundane tools of every-day existence.   

Nowadays, using electronics as a means of organizing your life and exchanging information is as elementary as turning the pages of an old-fashioned desktop calendar.  And if you don't know how to do it, it makes you look silly and inadequate; it's simply unbecoming for a business leader. 

I currently have a client who comes to the office on Saturdays and Sundays because he cannot follow instructions on how to access his business emails remotely or push them through his iPhone.  His partners, employees, and commercial associates laugh about it behind his back.  It's likely that these inadequacies have an impact on their overall attitudes towards this business owner.

But I am particularly annoyed with those CEOs who are not able to utilize Outlook beyond the most primitive actions of receiving and sending emails.  I mean, for businesses operating in the PC environment, the program has become one of the most vital cross-functional tools since 1997!

I am currently exposed to one of these.  At this point I've already resigned myself to the sad fact that she will never learn how to accept or reject meeting invitations.  I wouldn't even dream of her creating one herself.  She will never get rid of her humongous appointment book, which, due to its instrumental limitations, is incapable of reminding her of important events or tasks at hand.  However, emails are her life, she lives and breathes them.  Wouldn't she treat them with proper care?  Guess again.

The other day she comes over to my office and asks if I still have "that email about..." (the subject matter is irrelevant).  Of course, I do.  She is standing right next to me looking at my screen, prepared to read the email with me when I find it.  I switch to Outlook, which is opened, as always, on the Inbox.  There are maybe 10 emails there, which arrived in the last 30 minutes.  "Where are all the emails?!" she is utterly surprised, "I keep all important emails.  I've got hundreds of them."  "So do I," I reply, "But not in the Inbox, of course."  I slide to my Navigation Pane, go straight to one of my 30 subject folders.

She is not stupid and she is a pretty good CEO.  She understands the importance of time-saving tools.  But she is too proud.  She will not ask me or any of her employees how to do it.  And so, she continues searching through hundreds of messages in her Inbox.             

CFO Folklore: Ignorantly Insolent Bosses

In accounting and auditing, first two months of a fiscal year (for most, January and February) make up a period of Subsequent Events, which are directly related to a company's previous year's Financial Statements.  Goods listed as 12/31 inventory are (hopefully) selling; last year receivalbes are being collected; cash being disbursed for unpaid expenses that comprised your year-end payables and accruals.  Financial auditors specifically target these post-12/31 sales, receipts, and payments to test the accuracy of the Financial Statements.  

Business owners, most of them lacking formal accounting knowledge, are especially confused about the expenses: they see payments being made now for the last year's interests, services, and commissions, and it worries them that somehow the current period's profitability will be affected.  Never mind that every year you explain to them that these items have been already recognized as expenses in the previous fiscal period through payables and accruals, and, therefore, impact only current cash flow, not the operational performance.  Even the ones who don't ignore your explanations and, furthermore, remember some of the terminology you've used, can't help but be a little disconcerted.

So, let's say last week (a week of 02/11) you have approved a $75K commission payment due to a procurement agent for the fourth quarter of 2012.  It requires a second signature - your boss's.  Now, she sees the check and your approval.  She knows your qualifications and what you've done for her company.  Before meeting you, she didn't know anything about accounting and finance at all, but she has learned a great deal from you.  Yet, she is a Business Owner - someone who is not capable of making an effort to overcome her impulses.  The strength of the "I-pay-you" sentiment in her subconsciousness is empowering.

So, she comes to your office, announces the topic ("This commission check") and tries to formulate the question.  First, she mumbles something about "the last year's income," and then the light bulb comes on in her head and she asks, "Was the expense accrued?"

Your mind is very fast and in a fraction of a second a swarm of neurotic, childish thoughts storms through your head: "Are you fucking joking me?  This is from someone who had no concept of revenue and costs recognition?  From someone who like a fucking bookie recorded everything when cash exchanged hands?  You, bitch, didn't have proper records, reports, financial statements!  Your tax returns were made up!  Did you forget that the bank demanded you hire a CFO before they gave you the credit line?  Now, everyone gets weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual reports and statements, thanks to ME!  I pass audits and bank exams without anybody finding a single error or omission!  How dare you!!!"

But you have two post-graduate degrees, 20 years of business experience, a book on CFO's functionality, 10 years of age, and a lifetime of hard knocks over this privileged pixie financed by her husband.  So, you look her straight in the eyes and calmly, almost jokingly, say, "Are you checking on my work?  Accruals and prepaids is what I do.  This was a 2012 expense and, in accordance with the Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, it was recognized as such."

Look, the truth is you should not get upset at your bosses for who they are.  "...Forgive them, for they know not what they do," and all that.  I always say, they are like spoiled and unruly children, who cannot control themselves.  And as long as you need the salary, you have to continue swallowing their shit pills. 

I wish I could stop taking incidents like that personally.  People with my intellect, background, knowledge, and experience - professional, psychological, cultural - should just brush it off.  Yet again, if I was able to do it, I wouldn't have had this blog.

Boardwalk Empire's Gyp Rosetti - the Scariest Boss Ever

And not because he is a mafioso toting interchangeably a Smith & Wesson, a tommy gun, a wrench, or a shovel.  Gangsters can be good bosses too.   I mean, a boss like Vito Corleone is a chief executive of mythological proportions: someone with his own strict moral and professional code; he'd destroy his enemies, yet he treats his loyal employees like family, and, in return, they are ready to take a bullet for him.   

No, Gyp Rosetti is the worst boss ever, because he is so fucking impulsively unpredictable.  With Gyp, you just never know what the fuck is going to short-circuit his neuro-system, how he is going to react to a word, a jest, a facial expression.  One moment he seems to be okay and a second later he explodes into a bloody violent feat on account of somebody's hat or stance.

Of course, the compulsive violence is a typical response in men who are surrounded by domineering, dismissive women at home.  The notorious Red Ripper Andrei Chikatilo, convicted of 52 murders of women and children, was famously abused and treated like dirt by his wife.  Gyp Rosetti, when at his home in Brooklyn, is vilified not by one, but four pesky women: his wife, mother-in-law, and two daughters.   Not that his household circumstances absolve him, but at least it makes the craziness explainable. 

It's a miracle that members of Gyp's crew talk and do anything around him at all; that they are not completely paralyzed by fear.  Somebody says something, Gyp does a double take, and everyone just fucking freezes, trying very hard not to look him in the eyes.  That stare that Bobby Cannavale mastered - the one of a cobra doing her hypnotizing trick on its pray before the attack, I've seen that look before, frozen on the face of one very cruel CEO. 

It would be easier if Gyp Rosetti was simply an authoritarian ruler, giving strict orders and expecting absolute obedience without any talkback. But he is tricky, sadistic.  He actually puts his employees on the spot, asking them questions, wrenching their opinions out of them, looking for a reason to explode.

You cannot possibly find a sensible way of acting around people like that.  Unquestioning compliance, dutifulness, and composure can rile them up just as quickly as independent opinion, defiance, and anxiety.  Gillian Darmody (Gretchen Mol) tries her darnedest: "You are always welcome here, Mr. Rosetti.  Make yourself at home, Mr. Rosetti."  And still it's uncertain that she is safe.  I keep thinking that Gyp's sexuality is a better guarantee for her than her sly ways.  The Sicilian boy has a soft spot for the white meat with porcelain skin and red hair (don't we all?), so he cuts her a bit of slack.  But how long will that last?

If you think that the Gyp Rosetti-type exists only on your TV screen, you are wrong.  There are plenty of them out there, exercising their unpredictable despotism in the boardrooms, corner offices, production floors, living rooms.  While most of them don't shoot people in the face or beat them to death, they do plenty of damage by inflicting destruction on people's self-esteem, psychological balance, emotional well-being.    

What kind of advice can one give to people who work for Gyp Rosetti's clones?  "Run away as fast as you can" comes to mind first.  But what if you can't?  Many of Gyp's "subordinates" were recent immigrants who at the time couldn't find any work at all, had no means to feed their families.  By the same token, if you live in a town, where everything is owned by the same family with a brutal patriarch (sounds like an early last century novel, but still as valid today as ever), you are stuck with him as your boss.  It's not like the national job market offers too many opportunities nowadays.  If that's your predicament,  you'd better rely on your survival instintcts and intuition: you are under constant pressure to make split-second decisions on how to act and what to say.  And you'd better pray that you make the right ones...   

If You Are Cheating on Your Taxes, Don't Step on Anyone's Toes

I've been going to the original Bumble & Bumble salon on 56th Street since... Well, who cares?  Especially when we talk about, to paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, the only two certain things in this world - our attempts to resist aging and taxes.

All I'm saying is that I have a first-hand experience with the house that Michael Gordon built - in this very location, starting back in 1977.  In fact, the masters I come to see here have been at B&B since the very beginning!  This says volumes about the environment of the place. It has a very unique ambiance - you feel special there.  That's why the company has an impressive record of retaining clients and employees alike.

Up until the 2006 sale of the B&B brand (the salons, the products, et al) to Estee Lauder (most people don't realize that it also owns Clinique, MAC, Bobbi Brown, La Mer, Origins, Jo Malone, Smashbox, Aveda, and Darphin), from time to time you could catch a site of Mr. Gordon on the premises.  His mannerism always struck me as a peculiar combination of a relaxed composure (grapevine has it that he is into Buddhist spirituality) and a blatant assholiness toward some employees.

But, as I always say, you don't get to be a successful entrepreneur by being warm and fuzzy.  To survive in business you need to be tough.  Some of us can be tough and decent at the same time.  Unfortunately, that's very rare.  Well, since I didn't need to deal with him personally, I was able to abstract Michael Gordon into what he was as a small-business owner: someone, who started from nothing and grew his brand to international recognition.  I admired him for his courage, drive, and strategic savvy. 

Also, one cannot dismiss the fact that for Mr. Gordon it wasn't just about branding, growth, and money.  He was truly a hair-man, devoted to the idea of creating high-quality products that satisfied a wide spectrum of needs.  Unlike the vast majority of other famous salon owners (Sally Hershberger is one example), who are engaged in "private label" merchandising (i.e. buying generic, mass-produced,  "juice" and pouring it into containers with their names), Michael Gordon actually developed unique mixtures, which are used to great effects in many salons and homes. 

It was his quality standards and unrelenting drive to succeed that fascinated me.  Imagine my surprise, when I read in New York Times that this remarkable and shrewd businessman was arrested for tax evasion.  And it wasn't even for something cleverly devised (not that I would approve that) - no, it was plainly stupid: he didn't declare on his tax return the $30 million capital gain generated by that famous sale of B&B. 

The charges (both criminal and that of stupidity) against him are mounting: when he was questioned by IRS about this omission, he claimed ignorance of the fact.   And that's lying to a federal agent, because apparently there is evidence of his active attempts to hide this money. 

What is the point of lying like that anyway?  Didn't he sign his tax return back in 2007?  He never heard of capital gains? Weren't there a horde of lawyers and accountants involved in the closing the deal?  Nobody mentioned the tax liability?  Hard to believe.     

NYT didn't make it a secret that IRS has acted on a tip received from a "confidential informer."  Of course, they did.  Truth be told, IRS doesn't have sufficient resources to look for specific violations of the tax code.  The best they can do is to react to the red flags selected by their algorithms.  Your employer reported your earnings, but you didn't include them on your tax return - an inquiry will commence.  Itemized deductions  exceed certain levels, even if by $100 - the flag will be raised.  Meanwhile, corporate executives receive multi-million dollar perks and call them "business expenses"; private shareholders transfer stocks and property between related parties and don't recognize capital gains; owners make equity withdrawals and show them as loans - and none of it ever get noticed.  

However, the situation changes if someone makes a call, sends a letter, or an electronic message to IRS, detailing a case of the tax evasion.  If this someone provides sufficient information and the violation is big enough to prick up agents' ears, they will be on the case right away.  Especially if it involves a notable figure that can get media interest (hey, you cannot blame IRS agents for wanting some attention). 

Even though IRS has, what they call, a whistleblower reward program, it's not easy to get paid for reporting tax violations.  Obviously, in most cases, the informants are not motivated by money.  Typically, they have some sort of a relationship with the evader and it resulted in two outcomes: an incredible animosity that goes way beyond a simple grudge and the knowledge that the government is being shortchanged.  The IRS becomes a mere weapon of revenge.

This is why Leona Helmsley went to jail in 1992.  The Queen of Mean dragged behind herself a trail of disgruntled contractors, corporate employees, and household help, who really hated her.  Some of them possessed hard evidence proving that millions of dollars spent on personal properties were billed to Helmsley's real estate business. 

And that's why Michael Gordon got arrested.  In his brazen manner, he must've rubbed the wrong way someone with the first-hand knowledge of the $30 million unreported gain.  That hurt someone dropped a note to IRS.  

Do I have to state the obvious?  Don't steal big bucks from government - it's dangerous.  But if you make a conscious decision to dodge some taxes, make sure that no one knows about it but you.  And I mean NO ONE.  If that's impossible, make sure that you are super nice to those who are onto you - they have your freedom in their hands.       

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Legal Expert's Rundown on Employers' Rights to Discriminate

I frequently write (and talk) about the distortion of bill of rights in the workplace and other similar perks of employees' existence.  Hell, I even have a separate category for posts devoted to nepotism. I always stress out that small-business employers can pretty much define their own rules, as long as they put them in writing and notify new hires of how things are done in their domain.  Not only that labor authorities don't look into employment conditions of companies with less than 50 employees, but, even if one or another wrong-doing is brought to their attention, they will take the corporate side as long as there is a correspondent written policy in place.  And think a hundred times before suing your former employer - you may end up staring at a defamation law suit filed against you. 

Now, I have an opportunity to direct my readers to an expert's list of legally permissible ways employers can discriminated both existing employees and job applicants in a business of any size - big or small.  I have previously quoted a veteran employment law specialist and award-winning writer Donna Ballman on the issues of workers' rights.  And, as you can see, her popular blog Screw You Guys, I Am Going Home is a single proud member of my Blog Roll.  I highly recommend for everyone to follow the link below and read her latest contribution to AOL Jobs - the characteristically concise summary of legitimized discriminatory practices.  I guarantee that at least some of them will surprise you.

8 Ways Employers Can Discriminate Against Workers - Legally by Donna Ballman         

What to Expect from a Boss with a Peter Pan Syndrome

Oh, Peter Pan, the "boy who wouldn't grow up," he is so endearing in his never-ending boyishness.  He doesn't care about the adult world problems.  His disregard for the laws of physical and emotional gravity allows him to fly without wings and fight pirates with an uncommon valor; but it also propels him out of the windows of the heart-broken girls: Wendy, and her mother Mary Darling before her, and who knows how many more.  Really, he belongs in his Neverland.

Yet, Peter Pans live among us.  You meet them every day: in your office, on your business trips, in stores and public transportation; you pass them on the street; they may be related to you and you see them across the dinner table.  They don't soar in the air or prance with swords (well, maybe some of them do).  Nevertheless, their true nature is that of unabashedly cocky young boys ready for adventures.  

Permit me to clarify.  We are not talking about physical appearance here.  People who look 10-15 years yonger than their age, whether because of their genetic make up or because they treat their bodies right, can be very grown up.  I am not talking about those who take part in what society perceives to be "young" activities either.  I actually think that people who never stop going to rock concerts and enjoy parasailing in their eighties are on a higher plane of sophistication.  No, the subject matter here is the psychological immaturity; the inability to accept the reality of the adult world.       

The Peter Pan Syndrome is not officially recognized by the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders.  It's considered to be a "pop-psychology" term.  In other words, it's okay to use it in cultural and social context, but no doctor will get reimbursement by insurance for treating this affliction - there is no code for it.  I frequently wonder whether it is a ploy of the closeted Peter Pans of psychology.

Peter Pan of J.M. Barrie's story can be recognized right away.  The book illustrators even gave him pointy ears, hinting that he is not quite a regular human.  But in every-day life they are hidden inside people who appear to be all grown up.  Yet, there are certain telltale signs one can pick up right away.   It could be a sports car too small for the owner's body, or a tan in the middle of winter, or a jacket a size too small for a middle-aged banker, a hipster watch on a wrist of a 60-year-old lawyer, a second wife 25 years younger, a newborn child at 57.  I'm sure you know what I am talking about.  

However, at the end of the day, it's the personality traits that betray the Peter Pan's tendencies - the propensity for undisciplined, uncontrolled, irrational, irresponsible, disorderly, intoxicated behavior.  But, like with all archetypes, the negative trends coexist with positive potential that manifests itself as a free spirit, unbound instinct, potential for growth, hope for the future, untamed forward drive.

It's one thing to handle Peter Pans socially and even privately.  It's a completely different matter when you are confronted with men-boys in the work place, especially if one of them is your boss.  You have to be very careful: bosses like that think that they are invincible; they believe that they will come out on top in any situation.  They take big risks and trust they can get away with anything.  If they are lucky, their endeavors may lead the company to brilliant successes.  But many of them get smacked against the cruel wall of reality, crash and burn.

One of the most prominent symptoms of the Peter Pan complex is absolute inability to take No for an answer.  Many private-business CFOs deal with the childish behavior of their bosses and can fill in the blanks in this conversation:

CEO:    I want to...

CFO:    We cannot do this...

CEO:    Why not? (like a 10-year-old)

CFO:    We don't have...  And it's against...  We will jeopardize...

CEO:    I want to do it anyway... (like a 5-year-old)

It's very difficult to find the right way of dealing with an intelligent and talented person, who looks like an adult, but frequently falls into the pits of the child-like stubbornness.  The only thing you can do is to be constantly aware of the reality of the syndrome.  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Let me leave you with this popular culture example.  Mark Zuckerberg, a student at Harvard University, threw a tantrum like a 3-year-old boy in a sandbox, when his girlfriend dumped him - he called her mean names and told her secrets to the entire nursery school.  Then he ran out and slammed the door behind him as hard as he could.  The result of it was the creation of a network that pervaded the lives of hundreds of millions of people all around the world and made him the youngest billionaire.  Now, he will never grow up - he never got a chance to face the real world.  He went from childhood into a fantasy land.  He boasts that he wears the same thing every day.  So, does Peter Pan - the protective uniform of a boy who will never grow up.

The Boss Who "Cares" aka The Hypocritical Bastard

Hey you, hard-working people, regardless of your profession, stature, or rank! I am talking to all of you!  Beware of "NICE" BOSSES!

You know the type - he always smiles at you, tells you jokes (and laughs loudly himself), asks about your family (sometimes even during first interviews), says "thank you" at the end of the day, declares that he wants everyone who works for him to be happy, claims to keep your opinion in high regard.  

This is all BULLSHIT!!!  This boss is a liar and a hypocrite!  Don't think for a second that because he acts like that on the surface, he really cares and will do right by you in terms of things that really matter, i.e. create material (compensation, benefits, working space) and moral (respect, recognition) stimuli for you to work harder and feel satisfied with your own performance!  

In fact, this faux exterior should be taken as a first sign of a shitty character.  There is an old proverb that applies perfectly here: "He makes a very soft bed that will be hard to sleep in."  The only person such a boss cares about is himself!  At the end of the day, all that huggy, phony warmth is just for him and him alone.  And because people like that lie to themselves the same way they lie to others, he goes home honestly believing that he is a swell guy and a wonderful boss.  He simultaneously pats himself in the back and jerks himself off.

 But when it comes to serious, important staff...  This is the guy who will fight you tooth and nail for every penny of raise or bonus you want to give your direct subordinates at the end of the year.  It doesn't matter to him that you only want to reward those who applied themselves the hardest, grew, learned, developed, and that you keep it all within the budget.  He'd rather double his own withholdings (for being so wonderful!) than reinforce the merit.  In fact, he will say, "Didn't we pay for her plane tickets when she went to her grandmother's funeral?"  Yes, we did - you suggested it to  be "nice."  So, now you think that was in lieu of the annual performance bonus?

And this is the guy who will reply to every great proposal from the members of his executive team, writing the exclamation-point emails: "Thank you!" "Great idea!" "Brilliant!" But he will never green-light the actual implementations.  You will see the mean gleam in his eyes every time the life proves you right or someone on the outside of the business confirms that you understand it much better than he does.  If that happens, he will enter a crazy cycle, competing with you all the time, even though he is the boss and, therefore, already won by default. 

I believe that the best working environments are created not by cuddly fakeness, but by indiscriminate fairness, accommodation of professional growth, and respect of achievements (the principles I myself exercise).  If that's impossible to have, I prefer an honest brute instead of a "nice" hypocritical bastard.  In this economy (or, as I call it "new reality") only a few of us get lucky and find "better" jobs.  The rest must tolerate whatever hateful things they are forced to experience.  And that's Ok (there is no such a thing as a "perfect" job anyway), as long as you face the reality with the full understanding of the situation and don't get fooled by appearances. 

Quote of the Week: HBO's "The Newsroom" Nails a Perfect Summation of What All Bosses Want

Charlie Skinner (Sam Waterston), handing an assignment:

"We don't need it fast, but we need it right... But we need it fast."

                 Episode 1.8

                 Written by Aaron Sorkin

 

The Frustrated CFO comment:

Bull's-eye, Mr. Sorkin!  Bravo!