I remember reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People when I was about sixteen years old. Early in the book, he talks about dangers of criticism and gives examples of written but unsent letters: by Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Mark Twain. It made a great impression on me. I cannot avoid being critical entirely - the tongue is difficult to control. However, I made a rule of letting stinging letters to stew for 2 days. Then I re-read them. If I still think it necessary, I send the letter. 90% of the time it doesn't get sent.
This is a recurring topic for management training gurus, self-help writers and bloggers. They say,"Write an angry letter, if it makes you feel better, just don't send it." Unfortunately, no matter how many times people hear that advice, they write and send flaring mail, causing commercial and social damage. If the problem was not persistent, there wouldn't be any demand for products I have described in the Cautionary Tale About Artificial Intelligence Progress.
As CFOs and Controllers, we deal with a lot of irking and ireful people. With my firm believe in therapeutic qualities of writing, I always advise to let the paper or the monitor to bear your negative emotions. As supervisors we also have to manage the anger of our subordinates. How do we prevent hostile writing from going out?
In the times of hand-written letters, it took longer to complete them. Plus, you had to stuff, seal, stamp and post the envelope. By the time you were done, you might have changed your mind about the whole thing. Dictating a letter worked even better. Saying the angry words out loud had a potential of making you sound ridiculous even to yourself, leave alone those girls in the typing pools.
Emails made us more vulnerable to our impulsiveness. In the beginning, at least the ISPs were slow enough for you to recall the unwanted message. Nowadays, soft keyboard, easy mouse, and fast internet create a volatile combination.
Here are few preventive measures I can recommend:
1. Always leave "To", "Cc" and "Bcc" fields of the email header blank until you are absolutely positive you need to send it.
2. Re-read your letter at least three times right away and then yet another time later.
3. I have previously described my habit of putting stick-ons, stating "Please re-read all your emails before sending them out," on the sides of employees' monitors. If you know that you suffer from the short writing fuse, then stick one on your own monitor as well.
4. Whether for my electronic or conventional mail, the 2 days stewing rule works very well. You should try it too.
5. The Frustrated CFO actually offers a healthy alternative allowing you to go a step further than just writing your message. Sharing your stories here lets you spill your frustration onto the virtual page and actually send it. Not to the object of your anger, but to me - an understanding and compassionate reader.
